Building healthy adult relationships: A practical framework

Sustaining healthy adult relationships without drama

Understanding adult relationships

Relationships are the connections and bonds that people form with each other, built by continuous interaction over time. It can be a close bond between two people or a shared connection with multiple people of common interests. Humans form these bonds from an early age and continue this until they die; however, the nature of these relationships changes with the varying ages and seasons of life.

As an adult, the nature of relationships formed is often a bit more serious and intentional. Building a long-lasting adult friendship requires more than just knowing each other but also qualities like proactiveness, attention, proper communication, trust, and care. For the relationship to thrive, the parties involved need to connect while remaining true to themselves.

An image of a couple on a date as a type of adult friendship

Types of relationships

• Mentorships- Involves a mentor who is giving guidance on learning, training, career, lifestyle, etc., to a mentee.

• Romantic relations- Between two individuals who are passionate with each other and may be involved in intimate activities like marriages.

• Social relations- Formed between one or more people who are connected together via shared interest or ideals, like members of a rotary club.

• Professional relationships- These are found in formal sectors, like the relationship between co-workers and acquaintances.

• Personal relationships- These formed with people who are relatives or close, long-running personal friends.

What makes adult relationships unique?

An adult is considered to be a person legally issued with a national ID, and they range from 16 years upwards depending on the country. In psychology, adults are usually considered to be people who have had the frontal lobe fully developed. Being a healthy functioning adult is therefore a combination of age, experience, and proper brain development as reflected by thought and behavior patterns.

Adult relationships can be fostered from events, institutions, social clubs, and community projects. They are unique as follows:

Strategic; people often form various relations, knowing fully well what they want as an outcome, such as a relationship leading to marriage or career growth.
Harder to establish; age often widens the gap between social classes, ideologies, interests, and time. Finding the right person and the right crowd becomes harder with age.
Heightened awareness; adults have often figured out who they are and what they want for the most part. Relationships formed are often more intentional and aligned to a person.
High stakes: time and social circles are of the essence in adulthood, as the saying goes—your network is your network. The people around you can drag you down or build you up. Forming new bonds requires being careful, as negative risk is high in misplaced social circles and vice versa.

AN image of a woman holding a healthy boundary sign, one important aspect of healthy adult relationships

Signs of healthy adult relationship

Mutual reciprocity, respect, and understanding- participants have a balanced role where they equally participate. The burden of activities like communication is not left to one party; no one is above the other as they meet halfway.
Clear communication- there is no judgment, and people are free to express their feelings and interests openly and respectfully without fear. Communication is always continuous with enough chatter and feedback, no ghosting or long waits on responses.
Healthy boundaries- parties involved retain their identity and do not succumb to herd mentality or peer pressure. Set boundaries are respected and not crossed or constantly tested.
Emotional maturity and security- people are mature and do not show Peter Pan syndrome (childish behavior). There is gentle correction and safety in sharing of emotions or any other subject at hand.
Shared responsibility- activities and actions that need to be done are properly delegated. Everyone has their share of contribution, responsibilities, and commitments.

Steps to building healthy adult relationships

Illustration of steps of building healthy relationships

• Know your identity (values, beliefs, goals, hobbies)

• Identify a social setting and participate often (speak up, join activities)

• Reach out (call, text, SMS potential connections made during hangouts)

• Foster relationships (plan for more shared activities, pick healthy interactions, value feedback)

• Maintain the relationship through communication and shared plans.

Remember! Healthy relationships take time, patience, and effort to build. It is wise to go into one being clear-headed and knowing what you want so that you don’t be misled or degrade your worth in the process.

FAQs (frequently asked questions on adult relationships)

Can a relationship feel a bit weird at times and still be healthy?

Yes. Adults are weird people, and sometimes those characters seep through. Growth can sometimes also feel discomforting. As long as the relationship boundaries and rules are not crossed, the relationship remains healthy.

Is emotional distance the same as emotional independence?

No. Emotional distance is withdrawing from emotional exposures and experiences altogether by detaching from feelings. Emotional independence means you undergo those feelings fully, with the addition of being aware and regulating those emotions. The key to a balanced relationship is autonomy.

what is the role of timing and compatibility in building relationships?

These two aspects work together. To form and sustain a meaningful relationship, there must be a degree of compatibility. This means you have to meet and bond at stages of your lives where the participants involved have reached a maturity level, hence timing.

Can a relationship be healthy if one person is more expressive than the other?

Absolutely! People have different personalities; in fact, it is that boldness that may attract some people to each other. as long as the bold person does not overstep, the relationship remains healthy.

when is ending a relationship the healthiest choice?

When patterns that cause harm are continuously repeated with no effort to make any changes. e.g., continuous disregard of a set boundary.

Next: 7 Essential communication skills that create deeper social connections

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